NASA crashes satellites on Moon; Moon files lawsuit
by Milky Way Maid
The Moon, our quiet unassuming little Earth satellite, filed a lawsuit today for damages as a result of what the Moon’s lawyer termed “a shabby lack of consideration by NASA for my client’s health and safety.”
While NASA declared that “Everything worked out beautifully" in the controlled crash of two scientific probes into the Moon’s South Pole, the Moon was of the opposite opinion. “Couldn’t you hear me screaming in pain?” the Moon asked. “Even if I had any ice, it wouldn’t be enough to pack my crater against the swelling.”
The Moon’s attorney filed a preliminary claim for damages in excess of $4 million, plus punitive damages of $8 million. “This is one mission they will regret to their dying day,” he said. “We have witnesses who have willingly stepped forward to offer their testimony vis a vis the vicious attack on my client. An unarmed client, I might add.”
Saturn stepped up to the microphone and spoke to reporters. “I had a clear view of the whole proceeding. I saw the whole thing from beginning to end. I just could not believe it, the nerve of those space jockeys. Why, I’d lock up the whole gang and throw away the key, believe you me,” he said.
According to other witnesses, Mercury took pictures with his cell phone. Uncharacteristically, he was unavailable for comment. Mars was also in the vicinity but so far has not surfaced publicly as a witness.
Spokesmen for the Chiron Inter-Galactic Drugstore and Clinic refused to comment on the condition of their patient, citing HIPAA laws.
However, it is believed that the Moon has been refused insurance coverage for medical treatment on the grounds that 1) emergency treatment was not pre-approved, and 2) craters are a pre-existing condition, and therefore any treatment of those areas are not a covered expense.
Chiron Inter-Galactic has a standing policy of not turning away any patient regardless of insurance coverage or non-coverage, fortunately for the Moon.